I used to run in circles, literally! 

Running circles at the track at my local Y, while dreaming about all of the things I wanted to do, I could do, or maybe even would do one day. As soon as my feet stopped, so did the ideas roaming through my head of all of my dreams I wanted to accomplish.

I was born in New York City on November 30, 1974. I had a loving family and a happy childhood, but there were times when I felt the need to hurt myself- to punish myself for something. Why, I have no idea? I may never know and that’s fine. There’s no one to blame and nothing to be angry about. It’s part of my journey and I am thankful for it as I would not change where I am today for anything.

Meet Sophie

I would get frustrated when I looked in the mirror and would hit myself repeatedly and heavily on the head with my hairbrush. I was smoking cigarettes at the age of nine. I remember biting my arm until I bled. As I got older, I found myself with people and in places that were not serving any positive purpose in my life. At the age of twenty I committed to ending all drug use and started building a new adult life. I moved to Vermont where I focused on my passion for rock ‘n roll. I met my first husband in the basement of a house in Burlington, Vermont. He was the bass player in the band I was auditioning for. I got the gig and we sparked a friendship; then a romance. We were married and moved back to New York and started a family. While raising my 3 sons; I managed to take extremely good care of myself. I wanted to be strong, present, and healthy for my boys. I felt the pull to go all in on Motherhood, what a beautiful role it is!

By the time my first two boys were 1 and 4; I left my full time job to be a full time mom. I gave them all of me, it became my identity. Many women who work in and out of the home have given all of themselves to their family only to lose themselves along the way. It’s not a bad thing; it’s fucking beautiful but we can get spit out on the other end, totally dazed and confused, in a new physical body, and unsure of our identity.

Eventually my boys’ father and I grew apart and we divorced. Suddenly I did not have my children with me all the time. I had time to drink my feelings away the way I had before they were born. My drinking got dangerous. My hangovers were such that I would lie on the cold bathroom tile floor in severe pain, not wanting to kill myself, but wanting to be dead so that the pain would stop. My ability to control when and how much I drank eroded quickly. I had remarried and my new husband had a front row seat to my alcoholism. He was growing fearful of my behavior, and I was not able to be the mother I wanted to be to my boys. So, just like that I stopped drinking. I joined a fellowship and sobered up.

Once the alcohol was gone it was clear to me that I had to do deep work on who I was and who I wanted to be. I had to learn what I could control and what I must release and how to feel and understand the emotions from which I had previously escaped through self-harm. Harming myself all those years stopped me from truly living to my full potential as I did not allow myself to see that I was worthy of this potential. You create your life expectations for yourself. This life long journey led me to self-love coaching. Not everyone’s a drinker but we all have pain points and are looking for help in finding solutions.

For many years I was not comfortable in my own skin. 

I was a stranger to myself. On a superficial level I kept it all together, but deep emotional connections with myself and others were difficult for me. I fled when emotions got heavy and complicated. I literally avoided, ran from, or checked out of these situations.

As a young person I willfully engaged in activities that were harmful. 

Conscious compassionate self love is the first step in self discovery